Sunday, January 6, 2019

Grief on Green Mountain



My husband died almost a month ago and this was the first time I was able to force myself to hike.  I've been too anxious to hike and my brain is in a fog, so it is hard for me to plan and pack.  I don't totally trust that I will be safe in the wilderness while I am in this fog.

I went to Belfair to go to a meeting, but the meeting was cancelled due to a storm caused power outage.  Ever since my spouse died the rain has poured and the wind has howled.  We even had a tornado not far from our old home in Port Orchard.

I had my backpack in my car and it was fairly well packed for rain, so I opted for Green Mountain rather than drive home.

Green Mountain was my first hike after my Uncle Mark died too, so it seems fitting. I start at the free trailhead near where a little girl died from grief and cold.


I did not have my gps or my delorme packed.  Not much point in the Delorme now that my husband is dead and won't get my preset message anymore.  He was sick for years and years and he loved to hike but he could not.  My message said "I am here, I wish you were too".  So he was sort of there with me watching me on the map.

This felt like my first truly solo hike ever.  Sure I had my phone and could blabber on facebook and send messages.  It's just not the same though.  He was my other half.  Half of me has been brutally ripped away.

A very sudden death after 14 months on hospice.  He was not expected to die that day.  I found him dead on the floor at midnight.  I guess it was a heart attack.

It was good for me to get out even though I was miserable the entire time.  Mixed rain and snow on the top and no view added to my misery.

Second hike with my new backpack.  Glad I made the pack before he died. No way I could concentrate well enough to make a new pack now.  The new pack seems very comfortable with  wide shoulder straps.

About 4 miles with 1,000 feet elevation gain













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