North Fork Skokomish to Four Stream

A very pleasant leg stretcher on the Staircase Rapids Loop.  We headed on up to four stream and had lunch on the river bank just before getting back to the bridge.

Not a good day for photography and  I was talking too much to concentrate on photos.

The outhouse at Staircase has been locked shut due to the government shutdown.

4.5 miles with

Clear Lake Dumpster Dive Hike

I found these little lakes on Google Earth.  I don't know who owns them, but did find a DNR marker in the area.  This is a close to home retreat for me.  I normally do this as a foul weather hike, when I need to get out of the house but don't want to waste a lot of time an energy driving just to get soaked.

I got more soaked that I thought today. I cussed out the universe as I pitched my lunch tarp in the rain and the wind.   Maybe the universe heard me, the rain and wind stopped right after I pitched the tarp.

I had coffee, ate breakfast and lunch and did a little reading.  I would have liked to have stayed longer, but Sage was shivering even with her coat on. Sage shivers more that Patches ever did.

Almost 4 miles no elevation gain.
I also walked about 3 miles in the Aberdeen Mall yesterday.

Still dealing with extreme levels of anxiety due to my recent loss.  Still too scared to go on a long dark hike, but now I know why.  I've developed an aversion to hiking due to my spouses death.  I was all packed and ready to hike the morning he died.  So I have associated hiking with death. It was two weeks before I could sleep in my bed, the bed that I climbed out of at midnight to find my spouse dead.  I still don't like my bed very well.  Most nights I move back and forth from bed to couch several times.

I've got to get over this fear of hiking so I can fight off all this anxiety.  If I could travel to the global  south right now I would but I am tied down by my child's school schedule. I'm just hating these long dark days at latitude 47 degrees north.  Very few people in the world actually live this far north.  In fact the majority of Canadians live south of here.  Wrap your head around that.

The pink line was the plan, the yellow line is what actually happened

Don't know who owns this, but it is not posted and I treat it with absolute respect

Green Mountain Again

Back to Green Mountain since I was in Belfair again.  This trip was a little easier and a lot more crowded.  Since my husband's death  I'm still too anxious to go hit the big long dark trails in the Olympics.  Dark,   because doing a good long hike this time of year usually involves some night hiking.

I found an old blog post from the week my Grandma died, reading that post, I maybe understand more why I don't want to hit the long dark trails right now.  In that old blog post I said I could not stop at all without feeling sad. 

Also I feel vulnerable right now and I know that in fact I am vulnerable.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Widowhood_effect   

"People whose spouses have just died have a whopping 66% increased chance of dying themselves within the first three months following their spouse's death."  https://www.verywellmind.com/surviving-widowhood-4011236

Perhaps I am wise to not do a long dark solo hike right now.

I had my GPS this time and I had my delorme too.  I only thought I did not have my delorme last time.   The weather was nice and sunny, I got it bit warm going up the hill.  The summit was crowded.  I noticed that everyone on the summit was with someone else, but I did see solo hikers on the trail.

My husband loved to hike, but he was too ill.  He did make it up Appleton pass one time though, and he tried to climb Mount Ellinor Several times.

4 miles 1,100 feet elevation gain.

Couples were posing for photos here, so I posed with my two wedding rings

Grief on Green Mountain

My husband died almost a month ago and this was the first time I was able to force myself to hike.  I've been too anxious to hike and my brain is in a fog, so it is hard for me to plan and pack.  I don't totally trust that I will be safe in the wilderness while I am in this fog.

I went to Belfair to go to a meeting, but the meeting was cancelled due to a storm caused power outage.  Ever since my spouse died the rain has poured and the wind has howled.  We even had a tornado not far from our old home in Port Orchard.

I had my backpack in my car and it was fairly well packed for rain, so I opted for Green Mountain rather than drive home.

Green Mountain was my first hike after my Uncle Mark died too, so it seems fitting. I start at the free trailhead near where a little girl died from grief and cold.


I did not have my gps or my delorme packed.  Not much point in the Delorme now that my husband is dead and won't get my preset message anymore.  He was sick for years and years and he loved to hike but he could not.  My message said "I am here, I wish you were too".  So he was sort of there with me watching me on the map.

This felt like my first truly solo hike ever.  Sure I had my phone and could blabber on facebook and send messages.  It's just not the same though.  He was my other half.  Half of me has been brutally ripped away.

A very sudden death after 14 months on hospice.  He was not expected to die that day.  I found him dead on the floor at midnight.  I guess it was a heart attack.

It was good for me to get out even though I was miserable the entire time.  Mixed rain and snow on the top and no view added to my misery.

Second hike with my new backpack.  Glad I made the pack before he died. No way I could concentrate well enough to make a new pack now.  The new pack seems very comfortable with  wide shoulder straps.

About 4 miles with 1,000 feet elevation gain

2018 Hiking Total

I was depressed all summer and then the smoke blew in.   My lowest hiking numbers in many years.